Graduate School(tm): The Game
Hey kids, check out the cool new game that's sweeping the nation! Be the
first on your block to own a copy of "Graduate School(tm): The Game" from
TenureCo, the makers of such classics as "Rush Hour Madness," "My First
Blue Book Exam," "Little Lawyer," and "Johnny Tax Auditor."
With "Graduate School(tm): The Game" you can experience all the fun and
realism of grad school in the comfort of your own home. Every nuance of
the real graduate experience is reproduced in this game. The game takes
you through the whole process:
* data analysis
* authorship battles
* boring talks
* confusing talks
* long talks
* uncomprehensible talks
* social isolation
* job hunting
And so much more!
Call all your friends over for years of wholesome fun. Check out these
great features of "Graduate School(tm): The Game:"
* Choose Your Own Character.
You have your choice of a wide variety of characters:
* Jill: the emotionally unstable ABD
* Fred: the naive first-year
* Caroline: the overwhelmed and under-funded RA
* Laura: the disgruntled TA
* Jaques: the exploited international student
* Backstabbing Harold: the political opportunist
And many, many more...
* Confront a Wide Array of Interesting Opponents.
Throughout your quests in strange and exotic lands you will encounter
people who apparently receive great joy at your misfortune, in fact they
are a major cause of this misfortune:
* Administress: the evil secretary with her dreaded red tape
* Prof. Rewrite: if he gets on your committee you're doomed
* Metoo: A fellow grad student who becomes a dead weight on all your
* Ronny: The smelly undergrad RA who scares all your subjects away
* Partytime Paul: Invites you to time-wasting parties every other night
* Prof. Touchy-Feely: A sexual harrassment case waiting to happen
* Rod Starr: Super Grad Student, makes you look bad by graduating in 12
* Susan Stickyfingers: Your kleptomaniac officemate
Along with dozens of others!
* Real Life Challenges
Pick a Setback Card and see what fun adventures await you:
* Join a Committee: Research slows down 1/2
* Videogame attack: Lose 12 turns playing Doom II
* One More Analysis: Repeat all previous analyses
* Dissertation Scooped: Go back to "new candidate" status
* Get Drunk at a Conference: Spin the Faculty Insult Wheel for your
* Advisor Retires/Moves/Changes Interests: Start over
* Car Towed: Sell your stereo to get it out of hock, lose motivation
To name a few.
* Different Ways to Finish!
Most games are boring. They have a "winner" and a bunch of "losers." The
goal of "Graduate School(tm): The Game" is different. There are no
winners in grad school, only survivors and failures. Your goal is to be
a survivor, that means different things to different people. There are a
wide range of ways to survive:
* Go to law school: Successfully escape
* Marry rich: Don't worry anymore
* Find God: Science is for fools
* Family: Change your priorities
* Capitalize on one of your ideas and make millions: Ah, engineering...
* Graduate: ???
"Graduate School(tm): The Game"-Look for it in stores near you!